Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from our family to yours!

Does it Make a Difference?

Does the medicine make a difference?  Ryan has had a great school year.  His teachers send home good reports and when we speak with them about the difficulties he is having at home after school and with his homework, they say that they do not see any of that behavior in school.  Well, until today.

I forgot to give Ryan his medicine this morning.  When I realized this, it was already close to 8:30 and the bus was about to come.  I could have quickly administered it to him but then I thought it might be too close in time to the dose he would be getting at school during lunchtime, so I opted to skip it.  I remember thinking to myself, "He is usually wonderful at school; he will be so busy with activities and school work all morning that he'll be fine without it."  Boy was I wrong!

Here is the note I received from his teacher today:

Ryan had a tough morning.  He was calling out, not following directions, and refused to flip his card.  We encouraged him to earn it back but unfortunately it continued in a negative way.  Ryan continued to call out, called another student a tattle tale, then threw his highlighter.  Ryan refused to apologize or flip his card.  The principal came and spoke to Ryan.  Ryan still refused to apologize.  I finally said he could not go to lunch unless he apologized- that worked.  Ryan did have a better afternoon and earned his card flipped back.

DC

Happy for his sister!

Ryan and Julia came off of the bus today filled with excitement.  Julia said that she was chosen as the Citizen of the Month for her class.  Ryan ran up to her, explained that he heard her name on the announcements at school, gave her a hug and said, "I'm so proud of you, Julia!"  I am extremely proud of Julia, and Ryan, too.  It is wonderful that he can be happy for her and not jealous that she gets to experience things that he does not.  While he doesn't show signs of jealousy, I do think it hurts him at times.  Like with soccer, for instance.  Julia often scores multiple goals each game.  When they return home from their games Ryan will say something like, "Julia scored 5 goals but I didn't score any because I'm not very good at soccer."  It hurts me to see him display these feelings of inferiority.  Phil and I do try to encourage Ryan to try different things so that he can see what he is good at, but he doesn't want to and seems content.

He may go through all of elementary school never being chosen as Citizen of the Month for his class, and Julia may get the honor multiple times.  It doesn't mean that Ryan isn't trying as hard as she is.  He may have a wonderful year with lots of academic and social successes and improvements, and still not be chosen.  I think it is difficult for teachers to truly empathize with a special needs child without a personal connection.  They don't know the struggles Ryan goes through.  They see him at his best (thanks to medication) and do not get to experience the "downs" to realize how special and precious the "ups" are.  In all fairness, his teachers this year (and last year) have praised Ryan in other ways.  There are reward systems in place in the classroom and Ryan comes home beaming about being recognized for achieving certain levels.  He receives a lot of positive feedback from his teachers when he does what he is asked to do.  And maybe one day Ryan will go above and beyond and get special recognition.  In the meantime, he continues to strive for perfect attendance because he really likes to get that certificate at the end of the year!

Fall 2013 School Picture

Fall 2013 School Picture

Julia with her certificate and ribbon award.

 DC

Keep Smiling!

Ryan is acting up.  It began on Friday when he got off of the bus and the driver said that he hit another boy and the principal had to be called onto the bus to take care of the situation before the bus could leave the school parking lot.  Apparently he was climbing on a seat and the bus driver told him to sit down and Ryan lost it.  He doesn't like to be told what to do and couldn't control his emotions.  This incident started a weekend full of protests from him causing him to whine, yell, and scream at us whenever he was asked to do something or given a directive.  Completing homework was a disaster.  There were also several meltdowns and crying fits when he couldn't do something he wanted to do.  His worst crying session came about after he tried to build something with his Legos and it wouldn't stay together properly because one section had too many pieces on it and weighed that section down.  He screamed at us each time it broke off. Phil attempted numerous times to help him redesign that section but he refused to let him help.  

There were a couple of positive moments that shined through this gloomy weekend that was mostly a set back for Ryan.  They happened Saturday afternoon.  We had family visiting for a few hours to meet Emma, and Ryan played a board game with a couple of my cousins.  He loved playing with the big kids and had a ball.  He was not a sore loser, and didn't get annoyed when Jack kept interrupting the game.  Then when they left he went to his last soccer game.  He played goalie for the first quarter of the game.  He has never played goalie during a game before.  Since he is afraid of the ball it worries us that he will not be able to block any of the shots and then get really upset with himself.  But Phil said he did great!  He blocked about 4 or 5 shots and the other team did not score against them while he was in goal.  He was very excited when he returned home, both about being goalie and that they won their last game.  

I'm not sure where this erratic behavior is coming from.  He goes from being really sweet and happy to angry and resentful.  Maybe he is looking for attention now that Emma is here.  But at the same time Ryan is loving having Emma around.  Even after 45 minutes of homework hardship completing a worksheet that should have taken him 10 minutes max, he grabbed a book and went and read it to Emma tonight.  He really does adore her.  It is Phil and I that he is not happy with right now.  He is testing us to see what he can get away with.  We were caught off guard with this sudden change in behavior after him having two great months, and we're losing our patience.  We have to rethink our strategies and find some new tricks that will work with him.  We just have to.  Especially now with four children.  

Tonight was not pretty.  Homework, dinner, 2 hours of Irish Dance class, cleaning up a room full of toys spewed all over the floor, preparing lunches for tomorrow, and all four kids needing baths/showers.  We got it done, but I'll say it again, it was not pretty.  There was a lot of screaming, crying, and impatient behavior, sadly mostly on my part.  But we got it done.  We got it done.  Here's hoping that it just gets easier from here and we can learn from our mistakes and move forward to do better next time.  And maybe we (mostly me) need to let go a little.  It's okay if we don't get it all done every day.  In the end it is these smiling faces that matter the most!

DC

Baby Emma Has Arrived!

We are happy to share that our family welcomed a new addition last week.  Emma Jeanne Campbell was born on November 6, 2013 at 2:51 p.m.  She weighed 9 pounds, 5.5 ounces, and was 21 inches long.  We never thought we would have a baby larger than Ryan, but then came Emma!

I'll spare you all of the details about the birth and my last month of pregnancy and the complications making it necessary for me to be induced because Emma wasn't coming on her own.  Let's skip right to the pictures of our new angel...

One day old... so alert and adorable!

First picture with mommy

First picture with daddy

My four angels!

Emma's first day home.

Ryan and Julia absolutely adore Emma and shower her with kisses.  Their teachers said that they proudly showed their classmates a picture of her the day after she was born and have been very excited about having a baby sister.  Jack is very intrigued with this new little person who has taken over some of the space and objects he once knew as his own.  We're doing our best to keep all of the children happy but that isn't always the end result.  On my third day home from the hospital I found Ryan crying on the couch and when I asked him what was wrong he said that nobody in the family loved him and that everyone just loves Jack and Emma.  It broke my heart.  We have seen him a bit defiant these past few days, probably seeking attention from us, and I hope this change in his behavior is short-lived as my energy is already so drained.

We're taking one day at a time as we learn how to make it work as a family of six.  This is all so new and the change from 3 to 4 kids, especially with Jack being so young, has been a challenge.  I know it will get better but I think it will get harder before it gets better and we'll go through a learning curve these next couple of months.  I'm not looking forward to the sleep deprivation, but it is a small sacrifice for a lifetime of loving Emma.

Stepping back to a week before Emma was born, here are some other pictures of the kids.

Our Star Wars clan

Celebrating nonna's birthday

Jack moved up to the toddler room at his day care

DC

Happy Fall!

Well we've all seemed to get back into the swing of things returning to school.  Ryan and Julia are doing very well and are getting glowing reports from their teachers.  Like with all kids, I'm sure, there are times when we have to work around Ryan's resistance to homework.  But there is a noticeable improvement from last year to this year despite the tremendous increase in the amount of work he receives (about triple the amount over last year!).  He has a math worksheet everyday and this is easy for him to do and he rarely gives us a difficult time about completing it.  It is usually the first thing he wants to get done, which as a math teacher, puts a smile on my face.  The reading and writing is where he gets stumped and causes the most resistance.  But with breaks here and there we can get through the homework.  It can spread out from 4 - 8 but we don't mind as long as it is getting done.  Things are going great with Ryan on the Focalin.  Our only concern would be the loss of appetite that he often displays.  He is so skinny as it is.  He takes the medication in the morning before he leaves for daycare and then again with the nurse at school at lunchtime.  During the last post I mentioned that we needed to change psychiatrists.  We have done that and now have someone in our plan.  And we have also worked it out where some of the monthly prescriptions can be written directly from his pediatrician, which is awesome because she is located about 2 minutes from home.

Jack has adjusted nicely to his routine at day care.  He often cries for a minute when I drop him off but it is brief and he enjoys his time there.  But I do love seeing his face when I pick him up in the afternoon.  It melts my heart at how happy and excited he is that momma is back to get him.  My trips dropping him off and picking him up will dwindle down as I will be home with the new baby and that job will now become Phil's until I'm ready for Jack to stay home with us.  Maybe at the end of December.

This is my last week at work, as I'm less than two weeks away from my due date.  Leave it to baby #4 for my feet, ankles, and legs to swell during pregnancy.   Definitely not fun and it has been a rough couple of weeks.   I finally packed my bag for the hospital and I think Phil and I have at last agreed on a name (we're not telling!)  We're all excited to meet our new addition to the family but I also know that I will miss my friends at work and my students.  In the grand scheme of things I know they will get by just fine without me and these next 8 months will be such a small portion of their entire educational career, but I will still miss them.

Ryan has been into drawing lately, more so than ever.  He draws these elaborate scenes in a notebook while he's in bed at night.  They range across a variety of topics but usually have something to do with either a book that he recently read, a show that he is obsessed with watching, or an event that took place that he was extremely excited about.  For example, our neighbor, a police officer, brought home an Army-type hummer one day and invited the kids over to sit in it and check it out.  Ryan went bananas over it and drew Army vehicles for several days in a row.

There are several birthdays this week in our family.  My Uncle Tony in Heaven would have been celebrating his birthday.  Last month his grandson, Anthony Robert was born at approximately 32 weeks.  He was just released from the hospital yesterday.  We are thankful that things are going well for him and we can't wait to meet him!  It is also the birthdays of both of my grandmothers and mother.  All three of these women sacrificed a lot raising their children.  My mom raised my brother and I while running our family business.  Her and my dad worked crazy hours each week to build the business and keep it running successfully for almost 30 years before they sold it.  My mom's mom raised 6 children during the day and then worked in the evenings when my grandfather got home in order to help support the family.  And my dad's mom raised four children in a poor countryside town in Italy before coming over to America and making a life for them here.  Mom's make such tremendous sacrifices for their children.  No offense to the dads out there, as you too make an impact on your child's life.  But there is something about a mother's bond with her children that makes being a mom the best feeling in the world.  I hope I am being the best mom I can be for my children.  I know they don't always show appreciation for it now but that will not stop me.  There are enough special moments to keep me going.  Here is one of those special moments.  This is an excerpt of an email I received from my daughter's teacher just a couple of days ago:

"I wanted to send you a quick message to let you know how much I enjoy having Julia in my class!! She comes in everyday with a smile on her face, ready to learn, kind words to others, and always eager to participate.  Today I had to take a half day, my daughter had a doctor appointment this afternoon.  As I was saying goodbye to the class, Julia looked up at me with a big smile and said, 'Mrs. Smith - are you putting on your Mom hat now?'  I cracked up!  I was thinking of her just now and wanted to let you know she puts a smile on my face."

Here are some updated pictures from the past month:

First Day of School

Ryan continues to struggle with his soccer skills, but I'm so proud of him for not giving up!

At 36 weeks.

Jack's first haircut!  I do hope the curls continue to come back, but he was starting to look like a girl and needed a trim!

A typical day for Julia who loves the outdoors!

Pumpkin decorating time!  The kids are super excited for Halloween.  Stay tuned for pictures in their costumes!

Speaking of costumes, here is mine this year.  I wore it a little early this year since I'm hoping baby girl Campbell will be here by Halloween!  My students got a kick out of it!  Here I am at 38 weeks.

Keep an eye out for the kids' pictures in their Halloween costumes (assuming Halloween is not cancelled a third year in a row due to some massive snow storm or hurricane).  And we will of course post pictures and an update when the baby is born.  Any day now!!!

DC

Back To The Grind

Back To The Grind

We had great intentions to blog while in California but that didn't go so well.  And then the summer just seemed to slip through our fingers and here we are more than two months after our last blog.  So much for doing this on a weekly basis, hence the name change of our blog!  We just have too much going on!

Let's see if I can summarize our summer before Jack awakes from his nap...

At the end of June/beginning of July we spent nine days in California.  After four days of Disney, two days of Legoland, and three days at the beach house, we were ready to return to New York.  We had a terrific time but it wasn't really a restful vacation.  We packed as much as we could into our time away and I know we created memories for the kids that will last a lifetime.  Here are some photo highlights.

                               

 

We got lots of pictures with different Disney characters and princesses

Breakfast with Minnie and friends

Cars Land at Disney California Adventure Park

The Lazy River at Legoland Water Park

 

An after dinner stroll with Uncle Tim and Uncle Michael

This was a huge step for Ryan and a far cry from the hysterics of meeting Lola during our trip to California a few years ago.

Jack loved his first trip to the beach!

 

We waited until our trip to California to officially announce the big news that we are expecting our 4th child!  We wanted to surprise Phil's brother in person.  I'm due November 3rd.  Here is a picture of me at 30 weeks.

After our return from California we had a little over a week to finalize details for Jack's 1st birthday party.  We had 107 people in attendance!  It was quite the day including a water slide, lawn games, lots of food, and a baby gender reveal!

Anticipation leading up to opening the box of balloons.  Pink or blue???

It's a girl!!!

Ryan wasn't really sure what the pink balloons meant.  At first he thought Jack was now going to be a girl!

Jack on his first birthday!

And we continued to have a busy July and August with a week of camp, numerous visits up to nonna's and papa's house, a trip to Playland, a trip to Splashdown, numerous birthday celebrations, a bridal shower, a baby shower, a Renegades game, the Norwalk Aquarium, the 4H Fair, three Irish Dance competitions, a week of Irish Dance camp (for both Ryan and Julia), and preparations for back to school.

At camp

Ryan with his Godparents, Uncle T and Aunt Anne

Rockland Feis

Dancing on the dugout at the Renegades game

Performance with her dance school at the Putnam County 4H Fair

Fishing upstate

Fun in nonna's and papa's pool

Norwalk Aquarium

Performance at the end of Irish Dance camp.  Ryan was so serious as he concentrated on the steps.  It was so cute!

Catskill Mountain Feis

Sporting their new Brazil soccer shirts

Happy Birthday Papa!

East Durham Feis

Bow and arrow target practice

Loved driving the cars at Playland

I wonder what he's thinking...

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Happy 6th Birthday Julia!

But not all of the summer was fun and games and good times.  After experiencing weeks on end of numbness and soreness in my arms and legs, the neurologist sent me for an MRI.  I have several spots in my neck and back where disks are hitting my spinal cord and causing neurological issues.  I'm returning to work when the school year begins but I will be on limited activity.  It is difficult to lift my arms, stand for long periods of time, and walk up and down stairs.  I have numerous appointments coming up to work on a plan for treatment options.

In addition, we continue to struggle with Ryan.  He has many ups and downs and continues to display wild behavior, especially when not taking the Focalin.  He is unpredictable and can get very violent at times.  We were denied services through OPWDD through their 2nd step review and we felt extremely defeated receiving that news.  The cost of the psychiatrist he sees, simply to get the prescription for meds is ridiculous.  It is $350 a month and all he does is write the prescription.  We need to look into switching to someone in our plan.  With everything else going on we dropped the ball on taking Ryan to the psychologist each week, although I'm not sure what good that was doing either.  We worked in the beginning of the summer with a behavior analyst but it was difficult applying a lot of the techniques she trained us to do when we were constantly on the run and in different settings.  All of these setbacks built up and has made me feel like a failure where Ryan is concerned.  We dropped the ball on a lot of things this summer.  It's not that we don't see the value in these things, we are simply pushed to our breaking points.  We have so much going on and when you juggle too many balls at once, some are bound to fall.  But I'm confident we will pick those balls up and add them to the mix in due time.  School begins for the kids in a week and getting back to a schedule and routine will help.  Being home on maternity leave this fall and winter will give me more time to make the phone calls that I need to make and spend more time with Ryan getting him back on track.  Fingers crossed and prayers needed!

DC