Week 97

To get our minds off of the passing of Helen, we took the kids for an overnight visit at nonna's and papa's house.  Ryan told them all about us putting Helen in a hole in the backyard.  It was good to get away and it did provide some distraction, but it was difficult to forget and put aside the feelings of sadness.

Ryan enjoyed climbing into my uncle's tree house.

 Ryan also made his own GFCF pepperoni pizza.  So did Julia.  Except she wouldn't eat hers!

On the ride home it was a clear night and the stars were shining bright.  I told the kids to look out their windows to see the stars. Julia said that you can make a wish on a star, and Ryan replied, "I wish Helen wasn't in a hole anymore."  Ryan has been so sensitive through this entire experience.  He's been fixated on things before, but there is something comforting knowing that Ryan has this sensitive, caring side to him that reminds me of myself.


There are also all of these feelings of guilt.  I feel so bad that I was not brave enough to remain in the room during her last moments.  Phil was brave enough to be there for me, but it should have been me. She was probably scared, and I should have been there holding her. I should have been the one to soothe her; I should have been the last thing she saw and my love should have been the last thing she felt. 

This week we received our first pet sympathy card.  It was from Helen's vet.  Inside was a little card with the poem The Rainbow Bridge.  For those that may not have read it before, I thought I would share it here:

The Rainbow Bridge
Inspired by a Norse Legend

By the edge of a wood, at the foot of a hill,
is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
when their time on earth is over and done.

For here, between this world and the next,
is a place where each beloved creature finds rest. 
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
for here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care,
until one day they stop, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
the time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart,
has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
and then, side-by-side,
they cross over... together.

The next day we received another sympathy card from our friend, Bridget.  She also included something in the card.  It was the story of The Rainbow Bridge.  Very similar to the poem, just in a story form.  I was lucky enough to find a heart shaped stone on the Internet, with the story inscribed on it, and we ordered it for Helen's burial spot.  We are even more lucky to have such caring and loving people in our lives to lend us support when we need it.  Whether it was a card, a phone call, an email, a visit, or a prayer said, a big thank you from the bottom of our hearts to everyone who has helped us through this difficult time!

DC

Week 96- Helen

Helen, 4/14/02 - 2/18/12

When is it okay to talk to your children about death?  We were faced with that decision today and we chose to talk open and honestly with the kids.  Our cat, Helen, has been very sick and at her visit to the vet today it was discovered that she had kidney disease.  She was in the final stages and her kidneys were failing.  Her red blood cell counts were only at 9% and she would need a blood transfusion before she could be given any medication.  Even then, there would be a small chance that the medicine would do anything at all, given how far along the disease had progressed.  And even if the medicine did help, the disease is not reversible.  We could manage her pain at home but she wouldn't be her usual self, and it wouldn't be long before her kidneys failed altogether.  We had to make a decision, and after seeing her suffer at home all week, we just couldn't stand the thought that her suffering would continue to get worse. 

The four of us went back to the hospital to say our goodbyes before she was put to sleep.  We decided to take the kids with us since Helen has been a part of their lives since they were born.  Both were very upset, but especially Ryan.  We held her and talked to her and then the kids and I waited in the waiting room. 

 
Phil was so brave.  He stayed in the room with Helen until the end.  At home, we prepared a burial spot.  Ryan wanted to be the one to put the bag into the hole in the ground.  He asked a lot of questions, the same ones over and over.  He didn't understand why we had to put Helen there, and he wanted to know when she was coming back. Ryan was upset that we weren't going to have a pet anymore, and he also said he was going to go out to the yard one day and bring her back inside.  Uh oh!

Ryan has broke out into tears numerous times today.  I encouraged him to draw a picture to hang in his room.  Here is the picture of himself and Helen.

I am devastated over this loss and I can't imagine life without Helen.  Everyday there will be something that reminds me of her, I just know it.  Helen would have turned 10 this April.  I feel guilty that her life ended so early.  Being an indoor cat I thought she would be in my life for many more years.  I wish we had known about her disease sooner so that it could have been treated before it caused her kidneys to fail.  The vet said this could have developed as far back as 12 months ago.  Helen certainly did a great job of hiding her symptoms and it was only during the past week that we really knew something serious was wrong with her.

Oh my beloved Helen, I will never forget what an awesome companion you were to me.  You were always by my side and I will miss you dearly. Love, mommy

DC

Weeks 94 and 95

Ryan continues to be excited about the new baby.  He gives my belly a kiss each day and talks to the baby.

We received Ryan's 2nd quarter report card. 

Elementary report cards are scored on a 1 - 4 scale: 1 - Does not meet standards, 2- Developing Skills to meet standards, 3 - Meets the standards, and 4 - Meets the standards with distinction.  Ryan scored 2's and 3's.  The only areas that he went down in were Handwriting (a 3 to a 2), Demonstrates Application of Mathematical Concepts (3 to a 2).  The comments from his teacher was no surprise if you have ever spent time with Ryan.  They were requires significant teacher support and assistance, struggles with using time wisely, and a pleasure to have in class.  His Physical education teacher wrote that Ryan requires significant teacher support and assistance, needs to improve his gross motor skills, and that he needs to practice his ball skills.  Overall it was a good report card and we are very proud of Ryan and how far he has come.


A Two Minute, Feel Good Video...Check it out.

Ryan with his February school project

Ryan enjoying an afternoon on the playground with some friends.

Ryan has been asking for cake pops. I wasn't sure if they would come out okay with a GFCF mix so I baked them with regular cake mix and let Ryan cheat.  He did really well.  Usually it is evident when he goes off of his diet.  But he enjoyed the cake pops so much that his behavior was extra good for a couple of days so that he would earn the privilege to eat a cake pop for dessert.   I do want to attempt making them with a GFCF recipe and see if they form and hold correctly.

Enjoying a special treat of cake pops

Anyone looking for some chocolatey recipes for Valentine's Day for those on a gluten free diet?  Check out these two websites.  They have some yummy recipes!
Gluten Free Goddess

multiplydelicious.com

On 2/12 we had an early birthday celebration with family for my birthday.  It was nice to celebrate, but I also took a moment to reflect on how much has gone on this past year.  Today was the due date of the baby girl we lost back in June.  Time really does go by fast, and we're happy to have so many good things to look forward to in 2012. Here are some pictures of the celebration:

DC