These videos couldn't come at a better time. As I mentioned last week, Ryan is drawing negative attention to himself with the ways he reacts to situations and also through some of his unusual actions through the day. On one of the days off from school we invited two of Ryan's friends over for a play date. Both boys live in our neighborhood and have had play dates here with Ryan before, but never at the same time. The two boys got along well and played for about an hour. Ryan kept wandering off to play by himself or wanted to watch television. We reminded him several times that he can watch TV or play alone when his friends weren't there and he should play with them before they leave to go home. With each reminder he happily returned to play with the boys, but it would last for about 5 minutes before Ryan wandered away from them. Naturally the boys just started ignoring Ryan with expectations that he would not return to play with them. I wonder how often this happens at school. Does he play with others at recess, during free time, in gym class???
During one of our Saturday morning religious education classes the parents were invited in for an orientation in the classroom. It was 15 minutes long so the teacher spoke quickly about procedures and expectations and curriculum for the year and opened the floor up to questions. A few parents asked questions and then I saw Ryan raise his hand. The teacher called on him and he rambled on for over a minute about the candy corn that grandma brought him that morning. It was so inappropriate for the setting and I could feel my face turn bright red in embarrassment for him because all of the students and parents were staring at him, a few chuckling under their breaths. The teacher didn't know what to do and looked at me. I asked Ryan to save his story for after class and the teacher agreed and continued on with the presentation. I remember thinking to myself why can't he just sit there like the other kids and let the teacher do her thing. But when recalling the situation to a friend during the week it occurred to me that the other kids were talking to their classmates, fidgeting in their seats, or turning their heads looking all around the room. While Ryan's conversation wasn't appropriate for the situation, he was sitting there looking at the teacher, and listening to her comments and parents' questions. He too wanted to participate in the conversation and upon impulse raised his hand and said what was on his mind.
One morning this week when the kids got on the bus the driver asked me why Ryan screams so much. I was taken aback. I had no idea he screams on the bus but I can certainly picture him speaking loudly and his ADD taking him in and out of multiple conversations with different people. He usually gets off of the bus extremely hyper in the afternoon and sometimes he tells us stories about kids on the bus. One of the stories involved boys sitting in the seat behind him and they were taking their lunch box and hitting him on the head. I can picture him laughing and joking with them thinking that this was a fun thing to do, but meanwhile the boys were doing it to make fun of him or because he was being annoying. I know I can't protect him all of the time and he needs to learn how to deal with these situations. But it is so hard to know the right time to intervene and when to butt out. But now having the bus driver say something to me was a reality check as to just how much Ryan must stand out to other kids. I apologized numerous times during my one minute conversation with the driver. I explained that Ryan was Autistic and had some social and communication disabilities. When I questioned if the driver was given Ryan's IEP to look over, I was shocked that he said no. I thought all school personnel interacting with a particular child were required to be made aware of these things. I felt so sad and worried for Ryan. I went in the house and cried. That afternoon Ryan came off of the bus with stars written on his hands in marker. He said two girls on the bus drew them. He couldn't tell me their names but he said they were his "best friends". It took several rough washes to remove the marks. I explained to him that he shouldn't let anyone write on him. Last year we didn't encounter any issues with the bus, but there were several different factors. The ride from daycare to school took half the time than the ride from home to school takes this year. Last year he attended half day so the ride back to daycare was with the Kindergartners only. And the ride there with all of the kids the Kindergartners were required to sit in the front. Now that he is in first grade he can sit where ever he wants. Phil and I would prefer he sits in the front behind the Kindergartners. At the very least we need to have several conversations about our expectations regarding the bus with Ryan. We will continue to keep you updated.
I asked Ryan if this picture of our family had Jack crawling already and he said that it was Helen. Ryan continues to remember our Helen and include her in our family. In order from left to right Ryan told me that he drew daddy, Jack, Ryan, mommy, and Julia, and Helen is walking on the ground. The 6 is for six of us in our family. So sweet!
DC
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