Through daddy's eyes:
What can you say to someone that has lost a child? I have asked myself this question too many times in my career as I have gone to hospitals and funerals for students that I have lost over the years. The look in a parent's eyes is heart wrenching. Now that I have lost a baby I know that there is nothing that you can say to help. Granted our child was never born but the sense of loss is still felt.
I really admire Dawn for all that she went through and for what she will go through. I have to remind myself that we have two beautiful children and we have been very blessed with people in our life who dropped everything to help us. Our family and co-workers really stepped in and made a very trying time much eaiser to bear. I really do not know how people go through this over and over again in the hopes that they will be able to carry one to term.
As for Ryan and Julia they were so excited that Dawn was having a baby. They were convinced that Dawn was having a boy AND a girl. As the week progressed Ryan noticed that something was wrong and would ask Dawn if she was feeling better today. When she would reply, "No, not today", he would reply, "Okay, maybe tomorrow" and run off. The day of the miscarrage, Ryan came right home and curled up with Dawn on the couch. We did not tell them but he somehow knew something was wrong and just wanted to be near his Mommy.
Each day will get a little better and Ryan and Julia will always be a great way to forget the loss for a little while. But we are now part of a group of people who understand a loss so profound that there are no words of comfort.
PC
Through mommy's eyes:
I don't know how I would have made it through this week without the support of my amazing husband, our family and friends, and especially Ryan's love. There were days Ryan would curl up on the couch with me and snuggle. And not a day went by without him asking me if I was feeling better. He was so concerned that I wasn't feeling well; he's my sensitive child. I actually felt guilty letting him see me in physical and emotional pain. And he was such a good boy; so well behaved, so cheerful, so loving!
Both Ryan and Julia were very excited about the baby. They would put their ears to my belly to hear if the baby was laughing or crying, and they would sing it songs. They were convinced that I was having a boy AND a girl, and would ask if they could feed the babies applesauce. I hope one day soon we can tell them again that they are going to have a little brother or sister. Until then we will remain hopeful, just as hopeful as we were all week. Despite warnings from the doctors and reports that the baby's heart was beating slow, we never lost hope. Just moments before I miscarried I was teaching my students and looking forward to the ultrasound in the afternoon, thinking that I was going to hear that the heart rate miraculously increased. A part of me was in denial!
I have a newfound respect for the women who have been through a similar loss, and for the couples who endure so much to have a child. And in the midst of everything, I still feel so blessed for everything that we do have.
DC
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