When is it okay to talk to your children about death? We were faced with that decision today and we chose to talk open and honestly with the kids. Our cat, Helen, has been very sick and at her visit to the vet today it was discovered that she had kidney disease. She was in the final stages and her kidneys were failing. Her red blood cell counts were only at 9% and she would need a blood transfusion before she could be given any medication. Even then, there would be a small chance that the medicine would do anything at all, given how far along the disease had progressed. And even if the medicine did help, the disease is not reversible. We could manage her pain at home but she wouldn't be her usual self, and it wouldn't be long before her kidneys failed altogether. We had to make a decision, and after seeing her suffer at home all week, we just couldn't stand the thought that her suffering would continue to get worse.
The four of us went back to the hospital to say our goodbyes before she was put to sleep. We decided to take the kids with us since Helen has been a part of their lives since they were born. Both were very upset, but especially Ryan. We held her and talked to her and then the kids and I waited in the waiting room.
Phil was so brave. He stayed in the room with Helen until the end. At home, we prepared a burial spot. Ryan wanted to be the one to put the bag into the hole in the ground. He asked a lot of questions, the same ones over and over. He didn't understand why we had to put Helen there, and he wanted to know when she was coming back. Ryan was upset that we weren't going to have a pet anymore, and he also said he was going to go out to the yard one day and bring her back inside. Uh oh!
Ryan has broke out into tears numerous times today. I encouraged him to draw a picture to hang in his room. Here is the picture of himself and Helen.
I am devastated over this loss and I can't imagine life without Helen. Everyday there will be something that reminds me of her, I just know it. Helen would have turned 10 this April. I feel guilty that her life ended so early. Being an indoor cat I thought she would be in my life for many more years. I wish we had known about her disease sooner so that it could have been treated before it caused her kidneys to fail. The vet said this could have developed as far back as 12 months ago. Helen certainly did a great job of hiding her symptoms and it was only during the past week that we really knew something serious was wrong with her.
Oh my beloved Helen, I will never forget what an awesome companion you were to me. You were always by my side and I will miss you dearly. Love, mommy
DC
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