Keep Smiling!

Ryan is acting up.  It began on Friday when he got off of the bus and the driver said that he hit another boy and the principal had to be called onto the bus to take care of the situation before the bus could leave the school parking lot.  Apparently he was climbing on a seat and the bus driver told him to sit down and Ryan lost it.  He doesn't like to be told what to do and couldn't control his emotions.  This incident started a weekend full of protests from him causing him to whine, yell, and scream at us whenever he was asked to do something or given a directive.  Completing homework was a disaster.  There were also several meltdowns and crying fits when he couldn't do something he wanted to do.  His worst crying session came about after he tried to build something with his Legos and it wouldn't stay together properly because one section had too many pieces on it and weighed that section down.  He screamed at us each time it broke off. Phil attempted numerous times to help him redesign that section but he refused to let him help.  

There were a couple of positive moments that shined through this gloomy weekend that was mostly a set back for Ryan.  They happened Saturday afternoon.  We had family visiting for a few hours to meet Emma, and Ryan played a board game with a couple of my cousins.  He loved playing with the big kids and had a ball.  He was not a sore loser, and didn't get annoyed when Jack kept interrupting the game.  Then when they left he went to his last soccer game.  He played goalie for the first quarter of the game.  He has never played goalie during a game before.  Since he is afraid of the ball it worries us that he will not be able to block any of the shots and then get really upset with himself.  But Phil said he did great!  He blocked about 4 or 5 shots and the other team did not score against them while he was in goal.  He was very excited when he returned home, both about being goalie and that they won their last game.  

I'm not sure where this erratic behavior is coming from.  He goes from being really sweet and happy to angry and resentful.  Maybe he is looking for attention now that Emma is here.  But at the same time Ryan is loving having Emma around.  Even after 45 minutes of homework hardship completing a worksheet that should have taken him 10 minutes max, he grabbed a book and went and read it to Emma tonight.  He really does adore her.  It is Phil and I that he is not happy with right now.  He is testing us to see what he can get away with.  We were caught off guard with this sudden change in behavior after him having two great months, and we're losing our patience.  We have to rethink our strategies and find some new tricks that will work with him.  We just have to.  Especially now with four children.  

Tonight was not pretty.  Homework, dinner, 2 hours of Irish Dance class, cleaning up a room full of toys spewed all over the floor, preparing lunches for tomorrow, and all four kids needing baths/showers.  We got it done, but I'll say it again, it was not pretty.  There was a lot of screaming, crying, and impatient behavior, sadly mostly on my part.  But we got it done.  We got it done.  Here's hoping that it just gets easier from here and we can learn from our mistakes and move forward to do better next time.  And maybe we (mostly me) need to let go a little.  It's okay if we don't get it all done every day.  In the end it is these smiling faces that matter the most!

DC

Week 138

Another bus incident.  This time no kids involved, or at least I don't think anyone else was involved.  As is our usual routine, the kids brought me their backpacks and we went through them when they arrived home from school.  Here is what I found in Ryan's bag:

Yes, that is a seat belt buckle from the bus.  Ryan said he found it on the bus.  The next morning I made him return it to the driver.  I don't know any more about how he got the buckle, but he returned it and we left it at that. We need to choose our battles with Ryan, and this seemed so minute compared to other conversations we had to have with him this week about being bossy with other kids at school.  He gets very upset when kids do not do things that he wants them to do.

Speaking of "taking things", the seat belt buckle was not the only thing that made its way home with Ryan this week.  On Thursday I needed to bring Jack to the ENT.  Phil was in class during the appointment time so I had to bring all three kids with me.  Ryan and Julia were being good considering it was a long wait in the office because we were an emergency double booked appointment, and then they had to sit in the doctor's office and watch Jack scream as the doctor performed a nasal endoscopy on him (Ryan covering his ears the whole time, of course).  Ryan and Julia kept asking the doctor if he was going to hurt Jack.  They were very concerned about their brother and wanted to make sure he didn't get any needles.  The doctor was impressed with their maturity and patience, and said that the kids were being so well behaved that they could go in the hallway and choose a prize from the prize box. The nurse met them at the prize box and Ryan asked how many toys they could pick.  She told them one each, and they returned back to the room...Ryan with a toy car and Julia with a slinky.  Later on that night when the kids were putting on their pajamas, Ryan pulls out two more cars from his pants pocket.  He had taken three items and hid the other two from everyone. Phil and I were mortified and really laid it on thick about how that was stealing and wrong.  Had it not been past their bedtime and we didn't live 25 minutes from the doctor's office I would have had him bring all three cars back that night.  We took them away from him and told him that next time he will be bringing them all back and apologizing for what he did.  Ryan is such a rule follower.  I was so surprised that after the nurse told him one prize that he continued to take more than one.  This coming from the boy who just a little while before that scolded a patient sitting in the waiting room for eating snacks when there was a sign on the wall, clear as day, saying no food or drinks in the waiting room.  After we spoke with him it seemed like he was truly sorry for what he did.

On Friday night the kids' school held a Penny Social.  All week there must have been announcements at school because Ryan would come home every day talking about how we have to bring money with us to buy tickets to win prizes at the Penny Social.  And everyday I would tell Ryan that he has gymnastics Friday night and we would not be going to the Penny Social.  It was as if we were trapped in the movie Rain Man all week.  He kept harping on it over and over and over.  Remember in Rain Man when The People's Court was about to begin and Ray was trapped in a car and they had to pull over to a stranger's house to watch the episode?  Ryan came home from school on Friday and when we began to get ready for gymnastics and not the Penny Social, all hell broke loose.  Want to guess who went to the Penny Social after gymnastics??? 

Now on to the good stuff... Ryan and Phil went out and bought a tree today.  Ryan was so excited.  Phil and I didn't really want to go through the trouble of getting another tree (we already have an artificial one up in our family room).  I knew Ryan was looking forward to decorating it, so I posed a question to him and let him decide.  I asked him if he wanted to play video games or do the tree.  He chose the tree.  For him to pass up an opportunity to play a video game solidified to us how important the tree was to him.  And afterwards, we were glad we did it.  (I'm sure if you ask me when it is time to take it down, we may change our minds!)

Jack in front of his first real Christmas tree!

Ryan helping to hang the first ornament on the tree.

Ryan after hanging his Autism puzzle piece ornament.

Unfortunately that smile was short-lived.  Soon after he dropped one of the ornaments and it shattered into a thousand pieces.  It was an ornament that my mom had bought for Phil and I for our first Christmas.  On it was an Irish prayer and it went with one that had an Italian prayer on it.  Ryan grabbed both of them, in an attempt to keep them away from Julia and put both of them up himself, and while trying to hang one he dropped the other.  He immediately began to cry.  He said he was going to miss the ornament.  After some coaxing we got him to join us in hanging ornaments again, and of course he blamed Julia for him dropping the ornament.  But the rest of the decorating went smoothly and another memory was made.

DC

Week 137

Getting into the Christmas spirit...

I asked the kids what we should buy daddy for Christmas, and here are the responses I got:
Ryan: "How about some good children." (Pretty clever answer and funny!)
Julia: "Medicine in case he gets sick." (In case you forgot, Phil spent Christmas and several days in January in the hospital last year because of kidney stones, so this is also a clever answer!)

Even with Andy, our Elf on the Shelf, visiting us daily, the kids are having a difficult time behaving themselves.  They are in constant competition and get disappointed if they don't get to do something first, especially when it involves Jack.  They actually fight with each other about who Jack should be sitting closer to.  While it is sweet that they want to be near their brother, rather than get physical with each other if they stopped a minute to think about it, they can put Jack in the middle and both be happy.  And that would make Jack super happy.  There have also been some issues with Ryan at school.  After two "Outstanding" days at school last week, this past week we received a note home from Ryan's teacher about his behavior at lunch.  He is arguing with another boy about who gets to sit near a boy in their class.  Seriously such petty stuff.  Ryan gets upset when he doesn't get his way, and when he does, he tends to show off and hurt others' feelings. We had a long talk with him about this during the week after we received the note, and also over the weekend several times when he had mini meltdowns at the two birthday parties we went to.

In the midst of difficult behavior, we had some great moments too.  Here are some pictures of the kids in front of the Barbie ornament tree in our family room.  We spent an hour hanging out together, listening to music, dancing, and playing.  And we did a lot of laughing. It was really nice to put everything else aside and spend some quality time together. 

Three smiles!

This is what I got when I asked them what face they would make if they got coal in their stocking.  I posted this on Facebook and it was a big hit.  Lots of people are saying we should use this as our Christmas card picture, but we've had ours printed a few weeks ago.

Wrestling with daddy.

Ryan posing with Mickey Mouse at a birthday party over the weekend.

Ryan received an early Christmas present from my aunt in Virginia.  It is a bank that registers the amount of money when coins are dropped in it.  Ryan loved it and carried it around with him at the birthday party.  Guests kept giving him coins to put in it.  He came home with about $9 in change.

Ryan still holding the coin jar!  He walked around with it most of the night.

There was a clown at the birthday party we went to on Saturday and he had volunteers go up and try to do the hula hoop.  Ryan was eager to try, which surprised us.  There were over 50 people there and he wasn't hesitant at all to get up and try.  We were so proud of him and everyone clapped for him for trying.  Here's the video of his attempt; you can tell he was having so much fun:  Ryan Hula Hoop


Ryan did a good job at both parties sticking to his diet.  He wasn't perfect, but he was having so much fun playing that it didn't seem to bother him.  One of the things he cheated with was tasting eggplant parmigiana.  When going through the buffet line he insisted that he liked it.  It is not something he is supposed to have but Phil figured he would let him try it.  He got back to the table and tried it.  Needless to say it was the only thing left on his plate at the end of the night.  But kudos for trying something new!  

A friend of mine posted this article on Facebook and I found it interesting.  It's called "7 Things You Don't Know About A Special Needs Parent".  Here's the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maria-lin/special-needs-parenting_b_1314348.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
 
The kids, especially Julia, love to dance.  And when they start, Jack wants to join in.  Here's a video of them dancing to one of their favorite songs:  Dancing to Gangnam Style

I forgot to mention this last week so I will share now.  One morning when the bus pulled up Ryan said that the number was different.  And indeed it was.  The bus looked exactly the same but the number was one digit off.  He got on the bus and said something to the bus driver and he replied that they had given him a new bus that morning.  Each morning since then Ryan comments about how the bus number is different.  I sometimes forget how observant Ryan is and what a good memory he has.

DC

Week 135- Our Little Volunteer

This was another busy week for Ryan.  On Thursday we had his teacher conference to go over his first report card.  His teachers had really great things to say about him and his love of learning.  They said that he is always excited to learn and always ready to speak in class.  What they did not mention was the comment that they placed on his report card...he has difficulty handling conflict.  This is something that we worry about him at home.  He has a difficult time understanding that not everyone is going to listen to him and follow his instructions.  This was demonstrated this week with yet another bus incident.  Another boy was talking about guns on the bus.  Ryan told him to stop talking about it and the other boy refused.  They got into an argument and Ryan slapped the other boy across the face.  The bus driver did not see the incident but another boy and Julia saw what happened and they told us.  We made him apologize the next day and we never heard anything about the incident again.  But this is something that we have to be mindful as he gets older.  The only other area of concern that they pointed out was his reading. His reading level is below grade level.  However, they showed us that it is just below where he needs to be so we are not worried.  He went from a non-reader last year to someone that loves to read.  At the end of the conference they gave us his first unit test in Social Studies and he got a 100%.  Overall we are pleased and he has made great progress with the full day of first grade.  His teachers are great and really seem to understand Ryan.

On Friday I was able to witness how far Ryan has come in his gymnastics.  The owner of the gym was working with a small group from his class on the high balance beam.  Ryan was able to climb up, balance himself on the bar and attempt to catch a ball and throw it back to owner.  It took him a few tries to keep his balance but he did not give up.  After three tries, he was able to complete the task several times until the owner told him to get down and let someone else give it a try.  The old Ryan would have had a difficult time getting up on the beam, balancing, and would have given up after the first fall.  He did a great job and really seems to enjoy the experience.

This past Saturday was a very busy day.  After his religion class he had his last soccer game of the fall.  While he did not score any goals this season he did a nice job playing the game.  He is still a little afraid of the ball when it is kicked hard at him but he is getting better.  I am not sure if he is going to stick with the sport.  The level of competition is getting more competitive and they are just passing him by on the field.  He loves being part of the team and he has a lot of fun with the other kids on the team.  We will have to wait and see what happens during the spring season.

We also kept busy this week with the collecting and sorting of the back packs. Below are some pictures of the event. Dawn and her friend Donna, with the help and support of family, friends, and Mahopac students, collected 140 backpacks for the victims of Hurricane Sandy.  Ryan had a lot of fun helping with the week's events.  They even started to call the front room the "donation room".   And when Ryan saw Dawn and Donna counting money donations to purchase supplies he took out his wallet and handed them $7 and some coins.  Such a generous, caring boy!

Helping to sort the back packs

The finished product

The cousins enjoying time together on one of the half days of school this week!  

Helping unload the back packs at the Belle Harbor Yacht Club

Having fun with his cousin Frankie

It was a good week and we count our blessings with Ryan.  He was so excited to help with the donations and was a big hit with some of the ladies at the Belle Harbor Yacht Club.  He has come such a long way and we are all extremely proud of his progress.

PC

Week 129

First and foremost I want to wish Ty a Happy 5th Birthday.  Over the course of the past couple of years we've followed Ty's blog and have shared Ty's story on this blog.  On October 4th he turned five years old.  Ty, who lives just a couple of towns away from us, has cancer and things are rough for him and his family.  Prayers are needed, as well as a miracle.  Please read his mom's blog posts about his birthday...www.superty.org
 

Bus Update

At the beginning of the week I contacted the school's psychologist and Ryan's teacher to make them aware of the bus situation with Ryan. We spoke about some role playing that can be done during his counseling sessions with the social worker, and his teacher was going to remind the class about appropriate behavior on the bus and what to do if someone is bothering you.  The psychologist was also going to relay the information to the Assistant Principal and get back to me; I haven't received any calls yet.  I check with Ryan often about how things are going.   I can tell he is still hyped up on the bus.  Twice during the week when getting on the bus in the morning he stopped to tell the bus driver a story and both times the bus driver had to cut him off and ask him to find a seat.  Just about everyday he came off the bus full of energy.

Speaking of his energy, I also spoke to his teacher about his attention in class.  I explained to her what we are seeing at home and she said she doesn't see any of that in school.  He is on task and keeps up with the class.  We both thought that Ryan must be trying so hard to stay focused and calm in class that he sees the bus and home as his outlets to release his built up energy.  It is time to get Ryan back in for an appointment with Dr. Cowan and hear his suggestions.  We've always been against putting Ryan on a medication to help control his ADHD but it may be something we need to consider.  His behavior during the week can be so erratic that it is turning our household upside down.  We're trying to keep him busy and give him other outlets to burn off energy at, with activities like soccer and gymnastics.  He enjoys doing these things, but doesn't seem any calmer when he returns home.  We will keep trying our best!

Ryan and Julia at the Fall Festival hosted by Adams Fair Acre Farms

Fun at the Fall Festival

Jousting...they were so excited that they were allowed to fight with each other!

 

Ryan was a little timid at first, but by the end of his ride I heard him telling this employee that he was going to come back next time with an apple for the horse. 

Jack didn't go to the Fall Festival; he spent some time with daddy at home.

Decorating his pumpkin from grandma

Ryan stayed on task for 20 minutes to complete this homework assignment.  After coloring in question #2 out of the lines, he decided to take his time and color the boxes for the other questions much neater.  After he was finished he made up a math worksheet with addition problems for the two of us to work on.  Ryan loves math!

The kids playing with their new cooperative game.  It was so nice to watch a game between them that didn't involve one of them winning and the other losing.  Thanks, Bridget!

Painting pumpkins for our front stoop

Out of the blue Ryan wrote a note to papa and asked us to mail it to him.  
Video:  Ryan's Note to Papa




































DC

Week 128

In response to a suggestion last week we browsed through a site called difflearn.com.  There are several videos available that model social situations for children.  We were able to watch a few of the scenarios available on the videos and this brought us to searching You Tube for more videos.  We've also asked some Librarians and Special Education teachers about resources they may have access to that we can borrow.  We had not explored video options yet, so thank you for the suggestion, Alyce.  I have a couple of vignettes picked out to show Ryan this weekend and I hope he is interested in watching them and learning from them.  They will also provide an opportunity for us to discuss with Ryan certain social situations in school and on the bus and appropriate ways to handle them.

These videos couldn't come at a better time.  As I mentioned last week, Ryan is drawing negative attention to himself with the ways he reacts to situations and also through some of his unusual actions through the day.  On one of the days off from school we invited two of Ryan's friends over for a play date.  Both boys live in our neighborhood and have had play dates here with Ryan before, but never at the same time.  The two boys got along well and played for about an hour.  Ryan kept wandering off to play by himself or wanted to watch television.  We reminded him several times that he can watch TV or play alone when his friends weren't there and he should play with them before they leave to go home.  With each reminder he happily returned to play with the boys, but it would last for about 5 minutes before Ryan wandered away from them.  Naturally the boys just started ignoring Ryan with expectations that he would not return to play with them.  I wonder how often this happens at school.  Does he play with others at recess, during free time, in gym class???

During one of our Saturday morning religious education classes the parents were invited in for an orientation in the classroom.  It was 15 minutes long so the teacher spoke quickly about procedures and expectations and curriculum for the year and opened the floor up to questions.  A few parents asked questions and then I saw Ryan raise his hand.  The teacher called on him and he rambled on for over a minute about the candy corn that grandma brought him that morning.  It was so inappropriate for the setting and I could feel my face turn bright red in embarrassment for him because all of the students and parents were staring at him, a few chuckling under their breaths.  The teacher didn't know what to do and looked at me.  I asked Ryan to save his story for after class and the teacher agreed and continued on with the presentation.  I remember thinking to myself why can't he just sit there like the other kids and let the teacher do her thing.  But when recalling the situation to a friend during the week it occurred to me that the other kids were talking to their classmates, fidgeting in their seats, or turning their heads looking all around the room.  While Ryan's conversation wasn't appropriate for the situation, he was sitting there looking at the teacher, and listening to her comments and parents' questions.  He too wanted to participate in the conversation and upon impulse raised his hand and said what was on his mind.

One morning this week when the kids got on the bus the driver asked me why Ryan screams so much.  I was taken aback.  I had no idea he screams on the bus but I can certainly picture him speaking loudly and his ADD taking him in and out of multiple conversations with different people.  He usually gets off of the bus extremely hyper in the afternoon and sometimes he tells us stories about kids on the bus.  One of the stories involved boys sitting in the seat behind him and they were taking their lunch box and hitting him on the head.  I can picture him laughing and joking with them thinking that this was a fun thing to do, but meanwhile the boys were doing it to make fun of him or because he was being annoying.  I know I can't protect him all of the time and he needs to learn how to deal with these situations.  But it is so hard to know the right time to intervene and when to butt out.  But now having the bus driver say something to me was a reality check as to just how much Ryan must stand out to other kids.  I apologized numerous times during my one minute conversation with the driver.  I explained that Ryan was Autistic and had some social and communication disabilities.  When I questioned if the driver was given Ryan's IEP to look over, I was shocked that he said no.  I thought all school personnel interacting with a particular child were required to be made aware of these things.  I felt so sad and worried for Ryan.  I went in the house and cried.  That afternoon Ryan came off of the bus with stars written on his hands in marker.  He said two girls on the bus drew them.  He couldn't tell me their names but he said they were his "best friends". It took several rough washes to remove the marks.  I explained to him that he shouldn't let anyone write on him.  Last year we didn't encounter any issues with the bus, but there were several different factors.  The ride from daycare to school took half the time than the ride from home to school takes this year.  Last year he attended half day so the ride back to daycare was with the Kindergartners only.  And the ride there with all of the kids the Kindergartners were required to sit in the front.  Now that he is in first grade he can sit where ever he wants.  Phil and I would prefer he sits in the front behind the Kindergartners. At the very least we need to have several conversations about our expectations regarding the bus with Ryan.  We will continue to keep you updated.

I asked Ryan if this picture of our family had Jack crawling already and he said that it was Helen.  Ryan continues to remember our Helen and include her in our family.  In order from left to right Ryan told me that he drew daddy, Jack, Ryan, mommy, and Julia, and Helen is walking on the ground.  The 6 is for six of us in our family.  So sweet!

DC