Our Life With An Autistic Child: Happy for his sister!

Ryan and Julia came off of the bus today filled with excitement. Julia said that she was chosen as the Citizen of the Month for her class. Ryan ran up to her, explained that he heard her name on the announcements at school, gave her a hug and said, "I'm so proud of you, Julia!" I am extremely proud of Julia, and Ryan, too. It is wonderful that he can be happy for her and not jealous that she gets to experience things that he does not. While he doesn't show signs of jealousy, I do think it hurts him at times. Like with soccer, for instance. Julia often scores multiple goals each game. When they return home from their games Ryan will say something like, "Julia scored 5 goals but I didn't score any because I'm not very good at soccer." It hurts me to see him display these feelings of inferiority. Phil and I do try to encourage Ryan to try different things so that he can see what he is good at, but he doesn't want to and seems content.

He may go through all of elementary school never being chosen as Citizen of the Month for his class, and Julia may get the honor multiple times. It doesn't mean that Ryan isn't trying as hard as she is. He may have a wonderful year with lots of academic and social successes and improvements, and still not be chosen. I think it is difficult for teachers to truly empathize with a special needs child without a personal connection. They don't know the struggles Ryan goes through. They see him at his best (thanks to medication) and do not get to experience the "downs" to realize how special and precious the "ups" are. In all fairness, his teachers this year (and last year) have praised Ryan in other ways. There are reward systems in place in the classroom and Ryan comes home beaming about being recognized for achieving certain levels. He receives a lot of positive feedback from his teachers when he does what he is asked to do. And maybe one day Ryan will go above and beyond and get special recognition. In the meantime, he continues to strive for perfect attendance because he really likes to get that certificate at the end of the year!