Week 147

I said it two weeks ago, when it rains it pours.  Well it is still wet here! (Hence the inconsistency of posting to the blog lately.)

On February 1st, the dreaded day arrived for me to return to work.  Don't get me wrong, I love teaching, but it was very difficult to leave my children and leave the routine I had established at home the past seven months.  Returning mid school year was more difficult than I thought it would be for many reasons, but topping the list is the stress of returning to a brand new curriculum with no time during the work day to get any planning done.  I work through my lunch almost everyday, work for hours in the late evening hours and over the weekends, and I'm barely staying afloat.  I promised myself I would let go a little and focus on my priorities, but it is a difficult thing to do.  The expectations I set for myself are way too high and I need to accept help.  I find myself putting in hours like I used to do before marriage and kids, and hours that match my hardworking colleagues whose children are grown.  Where do I get off thinking that I am capable of doing that with three young children, a husband in the middle of his doctorate program, and an aching back???

On top of the stress of returning to work we have had some setbacks with Ryan.  His meltdowns are becoming more frequent and occur numerous times a day.  He often throws himself on the floor for several minutes banging his arms and legs until he decides to get up and yell at someone or throw something or hit something.  His bad language, behavior in school with other children, poor test grades, and aggressive behavior have us very concerned.  I don't want to share the specifics on here, mainly because it is too upsetting and embarrassing, but I can say we are seeing a new side of Ryan and it scares us.

We are trying to get his school counselor to meet with him individually about some of the setbacks he has been having with managing disappoints, making transitions, and resistance to complete homework.  Individual counseling is not on his IEP and the social worker is only in the building every other day.  I can't imagine her having the time to meet with Ryan, or at least not on a consistent basis.  We are looking into hiring a psychologist outside of school.  There have also been consequences at home.  Just this evening, after two days of bickering over sharing video games, we packed up the Nintendo DS handheld systems the kids received for Christmas and left it out for Santa to pick up.  They handled it better than I thought; we'll see what happens in the morning when they realize the box is indeed gone, and our Elf on the Shelf is here to check in on things for Santa.  We've also created an afternoon checklist, similar to the one we have the kids do in the morning.  This will be implemented beginning tomorrow.  I think Ryan needs that structure; he needs a list of pictures of things he has to do and check off before he can play games after school.

I'm sure some of you who know Ryan are finding all of this difficult to believe.  Well during one of his meltdowns today, and he had about 6 or 7 between the time he returned home from school until bedtime, I grabbed my camera and caught the last minute of it.

Ryan having a difficult afternoon

I replayed this video for him to watch and he found it very funny.  For me, it is difficult to watch, as I feel I am losing a part of my good little boy each day, and sadly I would consider the behavior captured on camera "mild" compared to many of the meltdowns Ryan experiences.

I do have two positive things to share this week.  My mom had gall bladder surgery the day before I returned to work and she is doing well.  And as for Jack, he is finally starting to get that twinkle back in his eyes.  After months of illness he is showing signs of being genuinely happy.  He needs to remain on the nebulizer for the remainder of the winter, but it seems like we may have finally found a mix of meds/treatments that are helping him recover.  Fingers crossed!

DC