Our Life With An Autistic Child: Week 140- Trying to Process the Sandy Hook Tragedy

My heart continues to ache for the lives lost in Newtown, CT. To send your children off to school and not have them return home is beyond my comprehension. I can't imagine what those parents are going through, and what those kids must have felt. Being a teacher, having a 6 year old child, and having a child with Autism has this tragedy hitting me on all sorts of levels. Regarding the Autism, some jumped to conclusions about the shooter and blamed an Autism Spectrum Disorder as the cause for his actions. This is terrible. It will send all sorts of wrong messages to others out there that being on the spectrum is related to violent behaviors and careless tendencies. This isn't the case with my Ryan. He gets very upset when someone is hurt either physically or emotionally. And as far as his desire to play "rough", he sometimes does, but no more so than what I see from other kids his age. And as a teacher I have seen violent tendencies with some children on the spectrum, but also with typical adolescents as well.

So whom, or what, do we blame for this tragedy? We have to blame something, correct? Because if we can blame it on something we then have answers to why this happened, and then we can have closure. Placing blame absolves any feelings of guilt we may have that we could have prevented this. It makes us feel better because we can work on fixing what the problem is so that it doesn't happen again. Placing blame allows us to move forward. Right? Wrong! Especially when society can't agree. We're quick to blame the shooter's parents. Political folks, the same ones who spent months before the Presidential election arguing back and forth with their friends on Facebook, are having a field day arguing over gun control issues. There are some who blame ASD (and I don't believe it has been confirmed that the shooter was ever diagnosed with Autism), and others who blame mental illness and have jumped on the healthcare bandwagon. Others blame the sensationalism of the media. And others blame lack of school security and training of teachers (some even suggest that teachers be allowed to carry firearms!). The day that happens will be my last day as a teacher to the public and my first day as a teacher to my own children as I home school them.

While families of the victims struggle to move forward, we as a society do not have answers. School shootings and violence, including bullying and child suicide, are on the rise. We didn't have these sort of problems fifty years ago, not to the extent we do today. Ironic thing is, many of us weren't around fifty years ago, or were just young children at the time. So where is all of this coming from? What's the problem? WE are. WE are the ones who have created the present day society we live in. So WE better do something about it, and fast. Needed are leaders who are serious about making changes. But that alone is not going to do it. WE need to do this. WE need to make this a better world. WE need to care! WE need to teach our children that violence is not the answer. WE need to teach compassion and humanity. I have been reading about people completing 26 random acts of kindness to honor those lives lost in Sandy Hook Elementary. That is a wonderful place to start, but I ask myself, "Why does it take a tragedy like this to occur to do a random act of kindness? Why stop at 26? And why do you need to announce everything you are doing for recognition?"

I've had a lot of thoughts about all of this building up inside, in spite of the crying I do everyday when I think about what happened and the suffering that continues to happen in this world. Thank you for "listening" and allowing me an avenue to release.

In the midst of all of this sadness, we captured on video part of a dinner conversation we had on boyfriends/girlfriends, kissing, and getting married. It gave us a good laugh at the time and continues to do so. If you could use a good chuckle or need to smile, like I know I have needed, check out this video: Talking about marriage...

And some happy photos...